Kids say the Darndest Things!

I am sure all kids do this, and I love hearing the stories about how they were coined.  My kids have all made up words that have become part of my family's everyday conversations.  In fact, I have even heard some of my kids friends' parents use some of them on occasion.  Shouldn't my kids get royalties or something?

Here are some of the more stellar words:

1.  Yesternightago - Sometime in the past couple of days.  Manudo coined this when she was about 2 years old.  She would use it to recall some event that had occurred somewhere between 2 - 3 days in the past.  "I took a bath yesternightago, so I must still be clean!"

2.  Mahtato - Some genetic cross between a potato and a tomato.  Princepessa does not like tomatoes, she loves potatoes, but mahtatoes are just okay.  WTF?

3.  Jenky - Something that has a flaw or defect.  "Mom I booted up the computer, but the screen looks jenky."  At this point it was giving us the famed "blue screen of death."

4. Ogrit - Yogurt in a tube, preferably with Shrek on the packaging...lmao.

5.  Aberolli - Like ravioli, but with pesto sauce instead of red sauce.

6. Bombfire - A really BIG bonfire.  Bubbie is always asking us to make a Bombfire in the back yard. 

Of course there are the words that they just plain said wrong growing up too. 

1.  Bubbie called a Truck a Fu*k for about 2 years.

2.  All my kids called spaghetti Pahsghetti.

4.  Bubbie was actually coined by Manudo who instead of calling him her little brother called him her little bubbie and it just stuck!

5.  You don't take a vacation, you go on becation.

6.  Princepessa once told a waitress at a restaurant we stopped at while driving to my parent's house for becation that we were going to see Grammy's Vagina.  We were travelling to Virginia!

What are some of the funny words your kids have made up or mispronounced?  I'd love to see your comments!

Nic

Things overheard by my offspring lately.....

So, as you may be aware, my offspring/demonspawn/trolls/angels/kids (all depending on the day), have had the misfortune to develop my sarcastic sense of humor.  Recently I have overheard them say the following things to each other:

Bubbie to Manudo:  "I am so sorry that it didn't work out with that boy.  I hope you don't become an old lady who cleans houses and has like 90 cats and lives in a creepy house (Manudo is 12, btw)".  After I recovered laughing hysterically, I realized he was referencing the term OLD MAID!  When I asked him why he thought that she would be someone who is old, cleans houses and has a lot of cats, he responded:  "Well she does seem to like cats more than me, and if she treats her boyfriends like she treats me, no one will want her, and she is so much better at cleaning the bathroom than me!"


Bubbie to Princepessa: Hey, did you know you are adopted?
Princepessa:  You are such a liar, I know for a FACT that is not true!
Bubbie:  REALLY? How? 
Princepessa: Mom already has said, 100 times, that if she didn't give birth to me she would have sold me on eBay!

Bubbie: *crickets*

Manudo to Princepessa:  Why are you so annoying?
Princepessa:  Because one day you are going to be grown up and move away, and I am making sure you remember me!
Manudo: Aren't you going to grow up and move away too?

Princepessa: No, why would I?  Mom is here to cook all my meals, drive me everywhere, and clean up all my stuff!

Princepessa to me:  Can I have some bacon?

Me:  Sure, why do you want some now? (It was 1:00 PM)

Princepessa:  Bacon makes all the world's troubles go away!

Me to Bubbie:  Get in here and pick up this mess, NOW! (after the 3rd nicer request)

Bubbie:  Meow!

Me:  Who are you saying "Meow" to? Me?

Bubbie: Because you said it first! (I am now thinking I have stepped into some Laurel and Hardy routine)

Me:  No I didn't!  I said clean up your mess NOW!

Bubbie:  Meow

Me:  What are you doing?  Go clean your room!

Bubbie: Stop saying for me to clean my room "meow" because you know I can't resist meowing back when I hear a cat.

Me: Jesus Christ!  Just go clean your room THIS INSTANT, please.

Bubbie:  My name is NOT Jesus, I thought you would have known that by now, mom.

Me:  You have until the count of 3, 1! 2!

Bubbie:  sounds of muttering accompanied by opening of drawers.

Me to spawn:  What is the matter with you guys?  Do you need written instructions on how to change the toilet paper roll when it is empty?

Manudo:  Only if it has a flow chart and pictures, please. 

Me:  GRRRRRRRRRRR

What gems have you overheard lately? 

Nic

Household items I would rather sell my children for than live without (not really, but maybe somedays)

Since I have been in "list mode" lately, I decided to add just one more (for today...shut it, I like lists).

Here is a list of my favorite gadgets that are not games/phones/etc, or battery operated and no this isn't a post about B.O.B.s!...let's step UP to the gutter folks!

1.  Rice Cooker.  We LOVE rice.  Brown Rice, Basmati Rice, Jasmine Rice, Spanish Rice...they all are in regular rotation in our menus.  In the past, I found making rice on the stove top to be hit or miss.  Sometimes the rice would come out okay, but most of the time it was either too mushy or too dry.  I purchased a Rice Cooker a few years back and now we have PERFECT rice every single time.  You can do other things with the rice cooker, like steam veggies and the like, but I use mine for cooking rice...duh. 

2.  Pressure Cooker.  I grew up with the sound of the pressure cooker hissing in my mom and mamaw's kitchens.  Older versions have this counter-weight you put on the pressure valve, and when the pot reaches pressure the valve swings back and forth making a sound similar to the sound of cicadas in the Summer...anyway, I have a newer version and it saves so much time cooking.  You can cook a pot of green beans in literally 5 minutes!  You can make a whole pot roast in less than 30!  It is a working and/or just busy parent's savior.  One of the added benefits of the pressure cooker is you use very little water when cooking veggies/meats so that means many of the good flavors and vitamins are locked in via the steam pressure.  Roasts come out fork tender...I kid you not!  It does take some getting used to, because I am a pot-peeker.  I like to open the lid, sample, and peek at what is cooking.  You have to learn to TRUST the pressure cooker, there is no peeking or opening the lid to check it out. 

3.  Trampoline.  YES I know how unsafe they are...yadda, yadda, yadda.  I also know that my kids saved up their money for a whole YEAR and paid for 75% of the trampoline.  It is used within sight of an adult and with rules.  We also researched (you are shocked I know) and found the "safest" one we could buy.  It is not the $150 special, trust me.  Anyway, my kids LOVE the trampoline.  They have had it for about a year now and have spent countless HOURS jumping away.  They get lots of good cardio, and mommy gets to drink her wine and watch them...just kidding...sometimes I don't watch them. 

4. DVR.  I adore my DVR.  There are some shows (Have you checked out Duck Dynasty or An Idiot Abroad?...hilarious), that I really enjoy watching.  I am also very busy running mom's taxi service, so I don't really have a lot of time to watch said TV.  So, I rely on my DVR.  It is also awesome for recording kid appropriate shows, although mine is usually so full of episodes of Game of Thrones, True Blood and other things there isn't room for kid shows.  Hottie Husband and I will usually pick a Sunday every few weeks and call Pajama Day.  We all keep our jammies on all day, eat breakfast food and get caught up on our shows.  I call Pajama Day a day in HEAVEN! The bestest feature of all on the DVR is you can fast forward through commercials, so you can watch an hour show in about 42 minutes!

5.  Whirly Pop.   This is a stove top popcorn popper with a paddle in it that you spin to keep the popcorn from burning.  I can't stand microwave popcorn, and this makes the most awesomist popcorn.  This thing should be plated in gold and given an award.  I kid you not!  I got mine from an Amish store many years ago, but I now see they are readily available from Amazon.com and other places.  We have a local popcorn distributor and if we are feeling really gourmet, we will go there and buy different types of popcorn (did you know they have BLUE popcorn, and popcorn with no hulls?). 

6. Kitchen Aid Stand Mixer.  I cook a lot.  I looked through the calendar and in the last 60 days we have gone out or had take out only 3 times.  Cooking is almost like therapy for me.  Unfortunately, with working full time and running Mom's Taxi Service as a second job, I do not have as much time in the kitchen as I'd like.  So, I love my stand mixer because it does a lot of the work for me.  I have the meat grinding, pasta making, and slicing attachments.  I can get an indentured servant (kid) to do the grinding/slicing/kneading while I am doing something else towards the meal preparation.  When we remodeled our Kitchen (see remodel from Hell parts 1, 2, 3), I took the measurements of my mixer with me when working with the designer.  I had to be SURE that my mixer would fit exactly where I wanted it on my counter top.

7.  Keurig.  OMG, the only thing that keeps me going is coffee.  The Keurig makes the BEST coffee I have ever had.  It even has a timer on it, so the water is ready to brew my first cup of awesomeness as soon as I come down the stairs in the mornings.  I do not even miss what used to be my almost daily trip through the Starbucks or Big B coffee stands anymore.  As a bonus, I have more money to spend on k-cups and get to work 15 minutes earlier every day!

Until next time,
Nic

P.S. Did you know there is a Momginerd FaceBook page?  Also, some of my best sarcasm can be found on my Pinterest!

My Favorite "Time Fillers"

I have the sort of job where it is either running at full tilt in a total panic....or waiting.  I have to say I much prefer the panic days as the work hours go by much more quickly.  Unfortunately, there are periods of waiting for a purchase order or similar that can last a week or longer.  During those periods, I try to do work related research...but, honestly I also spend time on some of my favorite time filler websites and aps.  Since I started using my iPhone, I have found that there are really cool time-fillers in the form of Aps and Games.  I am not putting the ususal suspects like FaceBook or Twitter, but more of the places/Aps I personally like that may be new to you.

Here they are, in no particular order (again, lists rule my life)

1. Angry Birds:  Pretty much any version of this game will suck me in and make me beg one of my children to defeat a level for me.  Lately, I have been on the Angry Birds Space edition.  It is SO awesome because you have to take into consideration the orbit and gravity.   

2.  Sh*t My Kids Have Ruined: This is a website dedicated to users uploading pictures of items in their households their children have either destroyed, ruined, or added some artistic flavor to with their permanent markers.  This website is definitely not to be used as a parenting manual, but it has some truly epic parenting FAILS that will make you laugh till you pee on yourself (okay, maybe not YOU but I have had 3 kids so don't judge).



I am sure the dog didn't mind...NOT



3.  Regretsy:  Oh my Maude, if you can look at some of the craptastic stuff on this site and not go WHUCK? Your brain is made of different stuff than mine.  This site puts up REAL items that are for sale by Etsy or eBay that truly show how some people will call anything Art.  Even what looks to me like a bunch of melted wax vaguely resembling a nose with light bulbs for boogers.  The biggest shocker is this was SOLD to someone.  Who, what, where....I don't even think I want to know the type of person that would put a light bulb booger blowing nose up in their house.  I am sure someone in that house is instructing it to put the lotion on.....

4.  Go Away:  This is a blog by David Thorne.  This blog will make you laugh until you cry.  He basically makes it his mission to use sarcasm and wit to annoy his co-workers.  Please be sure to check out his post called "Missing Missy."  I love that post so much that I actually read it aloud to my department and showed the pictures....Unfortunately, they really didn't understand what I was saying because I was laughing so hard my words were unintelligible!

5.  Pinterest:  They need to call it CRACKerest, because it is that addictive.   I have the mobile ap for my phone, a "Pin it" button on all my browsers, and check in on my pins or pin something almost as much as I check my FB account.  It is an invite only type thing, but they aren't too picky (obviously since I got an account) on who they let in....if you need an invite leave me a comment and I can send one to you.  It really isn't only a waste of time, because I use it almost like a virtual post-it note.  If I am looking for ideas for my garden, I will pin the picture to refer to later....same goes with recipes to try, places I'd like to travel, etc.... If you have never been to this site, please consider this your warning to check out a 12 step program prior to becoming addicted ;-).

6. Damn you auto correct:  I have to put a disclaimer that this is not an at work time filler.  Big Brother blocks it, and it is a good thing, because most of these contain strong adult language.  However, it is SO funny.  I don't even care if they are all fake, I enjoy them just for the laughs.  Anyone who has ever had a smartphone and likes to text has been the victim of autocorrect.  Personally, my autocorrect kept turning the my Hottie Husband's name into the word Tuna, so now his poor kids are known as the Tunas in our house (not to their faces, but as in "what time are you picking up the tunas?").

7.  Words With Friends:  LOVE this ap on my iPhone which is also linked to my FaceBook account.  It is scrabble that you can play with your friends (duh!).  I usually have 6 - 8 games going simultaneously and have learned so many new words that I just thought I made up, but were actually REAL words!  Did you know that "Metope" is a REAL word, and not just a cool way to use the letter P (turns out it is an architectual term for the distance between 2 tryglyphs...now I want to use tryglyphs in Words With Friends!)?

What are some of your favorite time fillers?  Not that I need another addiction, but I am always on the look out for a great laugh!

Until next time....you can follow me on Pinterest, Twitter and check out my Momginerd FaceBook page!
Nic

P.S. If you like this blog, can you do me a favor and hit the "like" button over on the left and share it with your friends?

Gadgets and Aps that Make My Life Easier

Being a self-proclaimed Mom-Engineer-Nerd (momginerd), I am often asked for advice on technological items that I would recommend.  Although I am not really an expert on gadgets and tech, I LOVE them.  So, I thought I'd share some of the items/aps that make my life easier or more enjoyable and hope that you will add a comment at the end of the Blog on some of the things you like too!

These will be in no particular order, but I like lists ;)

1.  iPhone

 I used to be a die-hard BlackBerry Girl.  I would look down my nose at iPhone or Droid users and think that those are TOYS whereas I have a real workhorse in my crackberry.  I liked the blackberry because I could get my work email and calendar delivered directly to the phone.  This was HUGE as a working mom with 3 kids, as it gave me the ability to stay in touch with work, while still taking the kids to the doctor, going on field trips, etc.  When my company announced they were going to start supporting iPhones with Good to do the same thing and simultaneously my Bold started acting up (for the 3rd time in a year), I took the plunge and ordered my iPhone.  And let me tell you, it has been a double edged sword.  Whereas before my phone was used as, well a phone, for email and calendar and texting, that was about it.  Now, my iPhone is like an umbilical cord attached to all aspects of my life. Without it I wouldn't remember to take my meds, read the news, or check FaceBook.  Because of this flexibility I also have become entrenched in the Curse phenomena known as Words With Friends.  I also check FaceBook a lot more since I can now do it on my phone more easily. 

2.  Evernote

This is an Ap that is available for all smartphones, PC's, and Tablets.  It is basically a "get yo' shit organized" Ap that is FREE!  In order for me to maintain any semblance or sanity and not lose my schmidt on a daily basis I do a lot of list making, note taking, calendar planning.  Evernote works in that I can do this and COMMUNICATE the lists I have made to Hottie Husband seamlessly.  For example,  HH was grocery shopping (yes, he does this, NO you can't have him), and I remembered I forgot to add kale to the shopping list.  I simply went to the Evernote Ap and added it to the list.  Meanwhile HH was shopping from his Evernote Ap and didn't even know that I had added this item.  This also works for adding things I want but am too guilty to buy (Ice Cream).  *Ahem*

3.  Say Mmmm

This is a website that allows you to plan menus, store recipes and create and organize grocery lists.  It has made menu planning SO much easier for me.  I religiously plan the weekly menus every Sunday.  the BEST part about Say Mmmm is that it LINKS TO EVERNOTE!!!!!  So I can create my menu, look up recipes and then send the weekly menu, recipes and grocery list all to Evernote.  I also send it to my kids Evernote accounts and I no longer hear 100 times per day, "what's for dinner." Bonus, bonus, bonus!

4. Kindle

This is version of Kindle I currently own.  It is my second Kindle. I read voraciously, probably 3 - 4 books per month.  I also like to read 2 - 3 books simultaneously.  An eReader is a great invention for me, because I don't have to carry around multiple books, just the light and compact reader!  Of course now I am drooling over the newest version the Kindle Fire.  AND here is the thing, I will still be keeping my old one for reading during lunch breaks, taking to kids sporting practices etc.  I just need want the Fire for the backlit screen, ability to watch movies, play games, and for magazines.  Why not an iPad, I have been asked.  And for me, it is mostly a matter of cost.  Why spend $500 for an iPad when I can spend less than half that on a Fire and have all the things an iPad does?  I already have an iPhone, so I just am (for right now) not interested in investing more money into an iPad which is an overgrown iPhone, without the phone.  We are already avid supporters of Amazon.com, so streaming movies from their Prime site is very appealing.  That is, of course, not to say I would not accept an iPad if it were offered, feel free to let me know if you'd like to donate one to me ;).

5. Waze

This is a navigation application for SmartPhones.  It is a unique approach to navigation because it crosses navigation with social media.  As you are driving, if you see an accident, traffic jam, etc you simply push a simple icon on the screen and it sends your report to all other drivers near you.  Every time you stop, it will flash the local traffic  issues on your screen.  When you use the navigation portion of the application, it will look at your route and suggest alternative routes to save time if there are reported traffic issues.  I commute 40 miles each way to work on the busiest roads.  This application has saved me countless lost minutes and episodes of road rage already.  Waze is a must, in my opinion for commuters!  I also found this neat dash pad mat for my iPhone that allows it to stick to the dashboard without doing any permanent damage.  I have been using it for 2 months and it has never allowed My Precious (iPhone's nickname) to fall! 


What are some of your favorite Aps and Gadgets?  Any I need to add to my (ever growing) list?

Nic