Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Things overheard by my offspring lately.....

So, as you may be aware, my offspring/demonspawn/trolls/angels/kids (all depending on the day), have had the misfortune to develop my sarcastic sense of humor.  Recently I have overheard them say the following things to each other:

Bubbie to Manudo:  "I am so sorry that it didn't work out with that boy.  I hope you don't become an old lady who cleans houses and has like 90 cats and lives in a creepy house (Manudo is 12, btw)".  After I recovered laughing hysterically, I realized he was referencing the term OLD MAID!  When I asked him why he thought that she would be someone who is old, cleans houses and has a lot of cats, he responded:  "Well she does seem to like cats more than me, and if she treats her boyfriends like she treats me, no one will want her, and she is so much better at cleaning the bathroom than me!"

Bubbie to Princepessa: Hey, did you know you are adopted?
Princepessa:  You are such a liar, I know for a FACT that is not true!
Bubbie:  REALLY? How? 
Princepessa: Mom already has said, 100 times, that if she didn't give birth to me she would have sold me on eBay!
Bubbie: *crickets*

Manudo to Princepessa:  Why are you so annoying?
Princepessa:  Because one day you are going to be grown up and move away, and I am making sure you remember me!
Manudo: Aren't you going to grow up and move away too?
Princepessa: No, why would I?  Mom is here to cook all my meals, drive me everywhere, and clean up all my stuff!

Princepessa to me:  Can I have some bacon?
Me:  Sure, why do you want some now? (It was 1:00 PM)
Princepessa:  Bacon makes all the world's troubles go away!

Me to Bubbie:  Get in here and pick up this mess, NOW! (after the 3rd nicer request)
Bubbie:  Meow!
Me:  Who are you saying "Meow" to? Me?
Bubbie: Because you said it first! (I am now thinking I have stepped into some Laurel and Hardy routine)
Me:  No I didn't!  I said clean up your mess NOW!
Bubbie:  Meow
Me:  What are you doing?  Go clean your room!
Bubbie: Stop saying for me to clean my room "meow" because you know I can't resist meowing back when I hear a cat.
Me: Jesus Christ!  Just go clean your room THIS INSTANT, please.
Bubbie:  My name is NOT Jesus, I thought you would have known that by now, mom.
Me:  You have until the count of 3, 1! 2!
Bubbie:  sounds of muttering accompanied by opening of drawers.

Me to spawn:  What is the matter with you guys?  Do you need written instructions on how to change the toilet paper roll when it is empty?
Manudo:  Only if it has a flow chart and pictures, please. 

What gems have you overheard lately? 

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