Lately I have been getting a few questions from colleagues and friends as to just how I make my divorce work. And eventhought Divorce and Making Things Work seems to be dichotomus, I thought I'd share some of the strategies that I have chosen to use and, thankfully, Ex follows along (if only he was so ammendable when we were married!).
1. Keep the kids first
Whenever I am deciding on a schedule change for the kids, personal decisions relating to my career, vacations, meal planning, etc I ALWAYS think of the kids first. If this change or decision would add undue stress to their schedules of lives, I just do not do it, or I change my plans. Even though I am remarried, HH is perfectly clear and understanding that the kids come first, and he, poor soul is a distant 4th.
2. Communicate, communicate, communicate
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| We use ALL these and more to keep try and keep in touch, it seems. |
Ex and I communicate every.single.mother.furking.day. Seriously! We either text, phone or email daily updates about the kids at least once a day. Some days, it seems like I talk to my Ex more than I talk to HH. I will admit, when we were in the process of getting divorced this communication wasn't always pleasant or positive. It took time, energy, patience and dedication to strategy #1 for us both to make it work. I automatically forward every email/text I receive dealing with any of the kids school/social/athletic events. I will also Text and/or call Ex to REMIND him of events and exactly what is required for said event (special shirt, $$, gear, etc). It takes a lot of time, energy and patience, but it makes #1 work better...at the end of the day my mantra is "It is for the kids, if they are happy, I am happy."
3. Agree to disagree
Ex and I definitely have different ideas on raising kids, morals, religion, etc. If we didn't then we most likely would not be Exes. We finally came to a point about 6 months after our divorce was finalized that we agreed to disagree. This means that sometimes he makes decisions I don't agree with (like having a babysitter for the kids almost every weekend he has them), but I do my best to keep my $.02 to myself about his decisions. He does the same for me, although he has little to complain about since I am so perfect ;-). 
