What the Hell?

I do not label myself based on politics.  I may be labeled a liberal by conservatives or a conservative by liberals, but I really do not give a rat's ass.  What I am is a self thinking adult, I like to call myself a Humanist.  I do not blindly follow ANY doctrine just because it is affiliated with a certain party/religion/group. I try to base my decisions on rational facts.   I look at the pros/cons and then I make my own decision....some of which are based on emotion, I will confess.  For example, I do not, will not ever, shop at Wal-Mart.  I would rather spend extra money at another store, or drive extra miles than to give my money to them.  I base this a personal decision on their policies towards women, benefits, and "take over the world" mentality.  Hooters is another establishment that doesn't get my money.  It isn't even based on fact, but just my emotional feeling that women shouldn't have to dress provocatively to make money.  Do their wings taste bad if the girls aren't in hoochie clothes?  The difference is I have the right to choose who gets my money, but I do not think that companies can morally say who they can take their money from.  

Recently all the hoopla about Chick-fil-A has been making me confused and angry.  I do not know if it was a brilliant way to get fat, lemming like Americans to eat more Fried Chicken, or if the ownership of that company really does not like 1/10th of the human population and feels that their money isn't good enough for them.  Whatever it is, I will NOT be eating there (although admittedly I don't know if I ever have eaten there).  To PROFIT off of alienating a group of people who just want to live their lives is shameful.  I thought being a Christian meant that you have love and forgiveness for ALL people?  I thought that being an American means protecting the rights of all?  I don't even care that they label themselves as a Christian establishment and are closed on Sundays.  What bothers me is that they label themselves a Christian establishment and PROMOTE the hatred of human beings who are different.  

When did Americans get so sanctimonious?

The Statue of Liberty tells us: "Give me your tired, your poor/ Your huddled masses yearning to breath free/ The wretched refuse of your teeming shore/ Send these, The homeless, tempest-tossed to me/ I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"  I do not see anything in that statement about not letting in someone based on their sexual orientation.  

I get that people join certain organizations (and I am pretty upset with the Boy Scouts right now, but that is a rant for another day) because those organizations are in line with their personal belief systems.  However, an establishment that is for profit really should be open to ALL people, and their policy shouldn't be to not hire/serve/cater to humans who are different.  Would it be okay to start a restaurant that says no one with Autism can eat there because they may disturb the other patrons? It would be wrong because people with Autism are born that way....Just like people who are LGBT.  Would anyone choose to be something that they know will result in them being the target of hatred, fear and persecution?  Not if they have one ounce of intelligence in their brains. A better idea would be for Chick-fil-A to limit their service to obese people, however I guess the part about gluttony being a sin doesn't matter as much to them as other passages in the Bible.

I have friends who I adore, love and cherish who believe differently than me and have different lifestyles than mine, and that is Okay!  I would never base my friendship on if someone believes like me or agrees with me.  I welcome their differences and always learn something or think about an issue I have not had to face before.   I have friends that are gay, friends that are tea-baggers, Muslim friends, funny friends, serious friends, friends that are liberals, and friends that are just as confused as I am.  It makes my life more enriched and allows me to better formulate my own personal opinion based on FACTS and not what I see on the news or am "instructed" to believe by politicians and other organizations.  

Life is only black and white until you are forced into the gray.  Usually you are forced into the gray because someone you love and adore goes through something that makes you open your eyes and have empathy.  I hope for my children that they are not gay, because every parent does not want their child to be persecuted.  However, if one or more of them are, I will still love, support, and make my own damn fried chicken for them!

I encourage you all to think about if someone you love dearly was told they were wrong/sinful/an abomination because of a circumstance of their birth.  Does any other human being really have the right to judge?  And, if we are judging, shouldn't we judge on all criterion not just the ones that suit us and allow us to feel superior to others?  Pride from self-righteousness  is a sin too.......

Rant over...sorry if anyone was offended by my opinion.  That's okay if you are different, I will love and respect you anyway!

Three legs of a healthy relationship

Warning!  This will not by a typical Momginerd blog with lots of sarcasm and humor, but I do still think it has a lot of good messages to share.

When my relationships start to falter,  I spend a lot of time reflecting on what went wrong and why.  I came up with an analogy to a 3-legged stool that I think are the basics of a healthy, long term, and happy relationship. 



When you just don't
care enough to care

Emotional:  You need to have an emotional connection to your partner.  By this, I mean you need to feel about your partner's happiness, in many ways, more than you do about your own.  If your partner is unhappy, then you will be too.  If your partner is happy then you feel better as well.  When you have an emotional connection with someone it is almost like you are linked metaphysically.  Their emotions have a direct effect on your own.  By having the emotional connection to each other you are more in tune in many ways to the non-verbal cues that they are offering.  When you don't have that connection, you are clueless as to how they feel and it can lead to feelings of apathy towards each other.  When you feel apathetic towards your partner, I think, it is the beginning of the end.  You have lost all emotional connection and you just don't care enough anymore to try and get it back. 

Physical:  Well, this one should be pretty self-explanatory.  You MUST be attracted to your partner.  And by attracted I mean more than just the feelings of lust you have at the beginning of a relationship.  Sure, that is physical and is important, but it really doesn't last if there aren't more things you find are attractive about your partner than the color of their eyes or hair or if they have an incredible body.  To me the physical goes beyond the immediate lust to the little things that makes my partner irresistible to me.  The twinkle in his eye when he gets my jokes.  The smile that he reserves ONLY for me that tells me in one instant I am the woman for him, he loves and adores me despite my numerous flaws.  But, at the end of the day a partner's actual physical appearance from afar isn't the most important thing to me. 

No, I am not your wife anymore....

My kids' dad is still very much involved in their lives.  We share 50/50 custody, so we interact a lot.  A lot more than I would really like, but in the theme of "keeping the kids first" I always answer his calls and try to help him if he asks.  My Ex likes to think that since we once were married, I should still do lots of favors for him...NO not that kind of favors, step up to the gutter people! ;-). 

For example:  He decided to get Lasik eye surgery.  Not that big of a deal, but then he thought it was appropriate to ask ME to take him to his appointment.  Um....really!?!   I would have had to take one of my few precious vacation days to do this and I have much better things to do with my vacation days.  I did, however, arrange for my uncle to take him.  And, because I still felt guilty for not taking him, I made him a home cooked dinner and delivered it to his house that evening (yeah, I know, I am enabling the behavior).

Not a single day goes by when he doesn't call me at least 10 times to ask me something.  Sometimes they are important, like what exactly is it again that Bubbie is allergic to eating (yeah, you would think after 8 years he'd know what the kid can and can not eat, but I digress).  Other times it is stupid shit.  He literally called me 3 times once to ask directions to Manudo's softball game.  Did I mention that I bought him a GPS one year for Father's day?