This is not going to be my usual informative or quirky post. I recently went through an emotional trauma, and need to voice my rant. If you are offended, I will apologize in advance. If you are moved, saddened, irate, etc, then I hope it moves you to be more aware that you should be kind to all, for everyone is suffering their own battles. This is also the hardest post I have ever written, since I have made it my policy to not bare myself emotionally naked to anyone.
My birth mother died 3 weeks ago today. She was never a "mother" to me. She was guilty of atrocities that in today's society would warrant her losing parental rights and perhaps even being charged with neglect/abuse. This post is not about MY history of abuse. It is about breaking the chain and putting on your big girl or boy underwear and moving on. It is not easy....not by a very long shot. Everyone can't do it either, I know this and I accept that fact. I consider myself one of the LUCKY people. I have always had a brain that divided everything up into "logical" and "illogical." Sometimes, that made it even harder to deal with. I mean, what little girl doesn't want her mommy to love her? To buy her Christmas or Birthday Presents? To hear the words "I am proud of you?" Those are things I never received from my birth mother....and now, the little girl who still resides way deep inside her armoured house has to deal with the fact she never will. But, the "logical" part of my brain accepted and embraced that I was better off without her in my life. I have a wonderful life with a loving Partner, and 3 talented, beautiful, and kind children. Am I perfect? No, I am far from it...I do know that I have some lasting psychological damage from my early childhood that I fight daily...I am insecure, defensive and hold people at arm's length. I strive daily to overcome these, and frankly, I believe that almost everyone who KNOWS me would be surprised to hear about the circumstances of my childhood.