Tuesday, July 12, 2011

M.O.M. = Mean Ol' Mom

M.O.M. (Mean Ol' Mom) Yes that is me, and I am damn proud of the title.  Perhaps I am old school, but I believe that when I brought children into the world, I took on the job of ensuring that they be: Respectful, Kind, Responsible, Independent, Inquisitive, Behaved, Educated, Kind, and Domesticated.

To accomplish these goals, I am raising my kids with a proverbial iron fist.  I do not believe they were put on  this Earth to be worshiped.  The fact that they were born of my body does not make them perfect, nor does it make me believe that everyone in the fracking (bonus points to those fellow geeks who get this reference) world must worship them.  When in public, I expect them to act like they have been there before...if they don't then we will leave and go home where the wrath of M.O.M will be unleashed upon them and their precious privledges. 

I also believe that those privileges need to be EARNED.  I work hard to EARN the privilege of my paycheck and I firmly assert that my kids need to earn the privilege of their computer time, play dates, video games, etc.  There are expectations that are set for them, and if they do not meet them, they lose out on their privileges. 

For example:  Bubbie has had a lot of issues with his ADHD and behavior in the classroom.  He has learned that he can blame such behavior on said ADHD.  Little does he know, he is not fooling anyone but himself.  If he can sit and play Plants -vs- Zombies for 2 hours in front of the computer without invading someone else's personal space, he can sit for a 20 minute math lesson in class.  Repeatedly, I was called by the teacher to address this issue regarding Bubbie.  We did due diligence and came up with a fair contract both at home and with the school to assist him.  Guess what?  The contract worked GREAT, until that smart bugger figured out that once he has XX days of success, he wasn't going to get a damn prize for DOING WHAT HE IS SUPPOSED TO DO!  The very next day, and for 3 consecutive days thereafter, his behavior was that of a howler monkey who had his banana stolen and was shot up with adrenalin. 

Give me my fraking banana or I will go ape $hit!

Bubbie and I had a "discussion" with the promise made that if he did not meet his minimum goal the following day, he would not attend a field trip with his class that week.  Obviously Bubbie is a bit stubborn and thinks that M.O.M. is a softie....He was SO wrong.  He sat home with the Nanny while all his classmates went on a fantabulous field trip.  Let me just say, Bubbie never failed to meet his "minimum expectation" again for that behavior. 
Many of  my family/friends told me how unfair I was being to my poor precious male child.  Bah...I responded that I have earned the title of M.O.M. the hard way, by saying what I mean and meaning what I say and having the fortitude and courage to follow up with actions.  Trust me, this is not the easy way to parent.  Sometimes I think that "permissive" parents feel that they have made the choice that is the most work.  I disagree 100%.  It is so easy to let your kids treat you and others with disrespect, to run amok everywhere, to be rude and demanding, and to basically become drains on society.  It is MUCH harder to set rules and consistently enforce them.  It takes a lot of training of one's offspring for them to realize that when they get "the look" or hear "the voice" (which is actually the opposite of yelling, it consists of clenching your jaw and hissing at them to "stop it right now") to know that M.O.M. means business and they better straighten up right now.  If not, you may end up like this:

Help us! We didn't respond to "the look" or "the voice"!!!
 Teaching good manners are a huge goal of effective parenting to me.  It isn't because "manners" are that important to  perse, but more because the act of teaching manners requires patience and consistency and the art of learning manners teaches respect and the ability to react consistently.  My kids rarely forget to say thank you, excuse me, or chew with their mouths open.  I firmly believe that by consistently pushing them to practice good manners, it makes it easier for them to follow all rues.  Manners is something that crosses all social situations both at home and in public so I think that they become more accustomed to life's other rules and expectations.

I love (read hate) going out to eat when there are other families there and the kids are going bat ass crazy the whole time.  Really?!?  I want those parents to know: I do not like your kids, I do not think their behaviour is cute or funny or charming, and I think you are a failure of a parent if you can't teach your kids that disturbing others who are also paying for their meals is rude.  When you give the other diners who are staring at you the raised shoulder smirk that means "Kids! What are you going to do?" You can be sure that we all have some friendly advice for you that involves discipline and basic consistent teaching of manners!
My parents Button

I get so frustrated and sick and tired of listening to all the complaining of other parents saying "I can't understand why my kid is such a brat and so disrespectful." Ummmm....maybe because these parents are so afraid of "hurting their feelings" that they don't discipline them????? People can blame television, video games, etc, but at the end of the day we have to realize that if we do not have high expectations in the home, why should kids feel they have to exceed at anything? And yes, I have torn to pieces homework assignments that were done too quickly and were too messy to read. I have had kids miss fun activities because they didn’t clean their room well enough, do things “because I said so,” and many other M.O.M. things that “hurt their feelings”. I tell them to build a bridge and get over it.  Life is full of disappointments, but unless you learn to deal with both success AND failure, you will never be anything.

NO, I am not saying my parenting is perfect nor are my kids perfect. But I will say that invariably their teachers/other parents comment on how self sufficient they are, how respectful they are, and how they seem mature when compared to their peers. NO, I wouldn’t write a book about it or expect every parent to parent as I do.  However, I do think this country is in a world of hurt in the future if the next generation doesn’t learn that mommy isn’t going to be there to schedule their every activity, tell them that last place is always okay and reward them for just showing up and taking up space. You can have the world’s best self esteem, but if you can’t hold a job, be independent, follow rules, get along with others, or make your own decisions, where in life will you end up?

Rant over!

Until next time,

1 comment:

  1. Very Nice and I am glad this works for you.. and I hope that as your kids get older they continue with that same respect you have inforced on them.. As I have said before in other conversations between us that everyone is different and inforces things differently.. I don't totally agree with everything u have done here but really who am I to judge I have 3 kids and each one of them with all kinds of different situations and issues and I know that even though I was not hard fisted on them that they learned from each and every situation and it could of been something good or bad. I also have let them become their own person and figure out there own mistakes, I loved readign this though.. and I was always called the mean house that is why no one ever wants to come to my house because we have rules and they need to be followed..


Love it? Hate it? I'd love to hear your comments!