The road less traveled

This year marks the last year my oldest will officially be still a "child."  She is now 17 and a senior (WHUCK!) in High School.  She will soon be making her final decisions about college and then will be off for her new adventure in life.  I wanted to make this Christmas about more than gifting.  So I got her (amongst other things) the necklace above.  But, I also had it wrapped in a letter.  I am re-posting the letter here (with her permission).

Dear Daughter,

For me this is a bittersweet Christmas.  It is, in fact, the very last Christmas before you are officially an adult.  This coming year is filled with many firsts for you.  You will be leaving home and in charge of your well being without having me or your dad here to catch or assist you daily.  You will make decisions that have a long term effect on your entire life.  It is stressful.  But don’t let stress guide you.  It is easy to pick the simple path of least resistance.  But what happens when that path is chosen?  You lead a simple life.  A simple life isn’t a negative in and of itself, but it is the life you want to lead?  You are adventurous, righteous, curious, and brave.  These are the characteristics of change makers, not path followers. 

My wish for you (besides figuring out how not to spill on your boobs) is for you to BE HAPPY.  To be happy you need to start figuring out what it is that will make you happy.  And not happy for now, but for the long term.  My task for you is to realistically look at where you imagine yourself say at my age, or even at 30.  Take some time to yourself and meditate on this. 

Think of these things:

1.    Will I be married?

2.    Will I have children?

3.    What do I like to do for fun?

4.    Do I work to live or is work my life?

5.    What makes me get up every single day and move forward even when I don’t want to?

Once you start figuring out these things, or even have some semblance of an idea about what you would answer for them, you will begin to understand what truly makes you motivated. 

For me, if YOU are happy, fulfilled and proud of yourself, then I will be too.  Whether you are an MD, PA, RN, JD, MS or any other myriad of letters you can accumulate after your name. 

I picked this necklace for you because not only is it a symbol for woman power, but because to me, it represents not limiting yourself.  The world is filled with glass ceilings, but you are strong enough to break any of them; even if your ultimate goal is to not be a career woman but a mom and partner.  

No matter your ultimate path, know that you can make your life as meaningful and fulfilling as you want and are willing to break ceilings to achieve.  I hope this necklace will be a reminder to never ever limit yourself based on outside expectations. 

I love you so much it hurts some days.  I feel blessed to be not only your mom, but to see how our relationship is maturing into a friendship. 

With more love than stars in the sky for you now and forever,

Mom

Gary Won't Be Back

Hello Momginerd fans.  First off, I want to say it is good be back in the blogosphere.  I had a looong dry spell of total lack of motivation and interest in writing.  Recently, I have felt motivated again.  Not sure how often I will post here, but figured it was better than writing books on Facebook.  haha!

So, I am an engineer. In this function usage of a laptop is integral to my job.  Daily.  I sometimes have 6-7 Excel spreadsheets, Layout files and PowerPoint documents open at any one time.  For you non-nerdy people, this takes a LOT of RAM and generally needs a decent sized monitor.  My company, although awesome, is stingy with computer updates.  My current laptop is over 3 years old. Which in digital terms makes it align with the Tyrannosaurus Rex or maybe a car with crank windows.

Actual keyboard I use daily

Luckily, I received an email notification that I was (finally) due to trade in my lapasaurus for a brand new shiny Yugo version computer.  I was very excited and followed the instructions; happily picking my engineering mobile workstation from the 3 approved choices allowed.  I received confirmation that said a mobile workstation with UPGRADED RAM would be delivered when I returned from our annual vacation.  Yay me!

Hello Momginerd, I am here to make your dreams come true!

Fast forward to day of the great upgrade.   First off, I was scheduled for 8:00 AM and arranged my calendar accordingly to allow for no access for the 2 hours they allotted.  When I log in, I see that they have moved the appointment to 3:00 PM.  Strike One. 

3:00 rolls around and Gary the IT guy rolls in with a big smile.  I smile back and am dreaming of uber fast processing speeds and a new sleekly designed laptop (shhh!  I am a nerd, we like these things).  Then, I look at what he is holding and it looks like something from my nightmares.  It was a tiny Disney princess tablet looking thing!  Those of you who know me, can imagine my response.  For those newbies, I will give you some highlights.

Me: Um, I think you have the wrong computer.  I need an engineering laptop.

Gary (not his real name): No Momginerd, here is the invoice right here that has your name on it.

Me:  NO, here is the email I received and as you can see it clearly outlines the specs for an ENGINEERING laptop.  I show him my card: Momginerd, ENGINEER EXTRAORDINARE.  

Gary:  Let me talk to my manager.....

Me: Yes, you do that. (strike two)

15 minutes pass.....

Gary: (who has now started to twitch a bit upon approaching me) Momginerd? Umm..I talked to my manager....

Me:........

Gary: Well, you see, ummm, he said that this is your new laptop.....*blushes profusely

Me: No it isn't.  

Gary:  Well, you know, ummm...I have heard of this happening a lot lately...but ummm this is your laptop (he is backing away only to be trapped by the corner of the cube farm).

Me:  Well Gary, you have just admitted to a flaw in your system.  If a lot of people are saying this is a mistake, then surely you understand my inability to further the problem and enable future victims by not accepting this laptop.  I will keep my lapasaurus until this is figured out. 

Gary:  Let me go talk to my manager........

Me: You do that.... (strike 2.5)

15 minutes pass

Gary (who is now sweating profusely and seems to have lost the ability to speak without stuttering): mmmmooomm gi gi gi gi nerd? Um. he like said you like have to like take it.

Me: No I don't, because if I log in to it even one time it becomes an asset assigned to my name, so I refuse since it is not technically MY laptop but a mistake.  

Gary: ummmmmm.....well, ummm....hmmmm...

Me:  Thank you for your time (not really).  But it is now time for me to leave.  Have a great evening. (strike three, I am outta there)

I then proceeded to pack up my lapasaurus and leave him standing alone in my space.  I thought I smelled a slight odor of urine as I walked by.

Today I logged into my email and found an email.  A scheduling appointment for a 15" ENGINEERING laptop.  I will name her Lola and we will make many happy spreadsheets together.  

Bets are on as to which IT tech will come to deliver it to me.  My bet is it will NOT be Gary.

Happy to be back, please like/share/comment if you enjoyed this!

Momginerd

Things Kids Say, pt 2

Like most families, our schedule is very chaotic and overwhelming.  One thing I insist on is everyone sitting down together for dinner.  Of course, this means sometimes we eat dinner at 4:30 PM, and other times at 8:00 PM.  I do this because I think it is a great time to commune over food and really get to have the kids attention.  There are just a couple of rules we enforce for our dinner:

1.  Use your manners.  Practicing at home means you will not forget them when you are out at a restaurant or  eating at a friend's house.By manners we mean, no elbows on the table, chew with your mouth closed, and keep bodily functional noises away (and I have a BOY, so farting and burping are things he takes great pride in doing well).

2.  Take what you get, and don't throw a fit.  I work hard all day and make concerted efforts to cook at least one thing per meal that everyone will enjoy.  It takes a lot of coordination and planning to make a healthy family dinner after a long day at work.  I will not tolerate bitching and complaining about WHAT I have prepared.  If you don't like it, don't eat it....but there will not be any dessert or snacking later.  And being Momginerd, yes, I have an APP for that.  It is called Evernote, and it ROCKS!

Last year I started a tradition where we all go around the table answering 1 question.  This has led to some pretty funny responses from the offspring.

Me:   What do you want to be when you grow up?
Princepessa (7): I want to be a millionaire pet shop owning artist.
Me: How she will you BECOME a millionare?
Princepessa: Marry someone rich, duh.
Me:  Why don't you earn your own money?
Princepessa:  Because if a boy is dumb enough to give me his money, why shouldn't I just do what I like? Me:  "crickets"

Me:  Bubbie, when do you want to get your hair cut?  (His hair is pretty long, and he has even be mistaken as a girl on occasion).
Bubbie (9):  I don't.
Me: Why not?
Bubbie:  The ladies love the locks, mom.
Me:  Okay then......

Me: Manudo, put down those electronics and come to the table.
Manudo (13):  grumble, grumble grumble.
Me: I don't understand why you kids are so ADDICTED to those electronics!  When I was a kid we used to go OUTSIDE and play with other real life people!
Manudo:  Looking over at my 2 lap tops, iPad, Kindle, iPhone "Jeeze mom, I don't know where we get it from."
Me:  "............."

Nic

Things that make me want to stab myself in the eye

Soooooo....I was going to resolve to be less sarcastic this year, but then I didn't.  Life is just to damn stressful and quirky to not allow oneself some small self-gratifications.  Sarcasm is my coping mechanism.  I wish that my sarcasm was paired with a better self-filter sometimes, but most of the time the people who are around me know how to take me.  While perusing the web I was inundated with different images that made me want to stab out my own eye. I just couldn't help but say to myself   "Whuck the hell were you thinking?"

Seriously?  Whuck!?!  Why the hell would anyone WANT these nails?  How in the hell does she wipe her ass or wash her hair?  I am guessing she thinks she has some really cool nails, but no one can get close enough to her to check them out because of her overwhelming stench.  Is that middle finger supposed to be a bottle opener or something?  Is the thumb a corkscrew?  Because if so, THEN I can see the practicality of those nails!

And here is the next submission to WHUCK are you thinking?  Unless this man is independently wealthy, I am guessing his career choices are severely limited.  I mean, I wouldn't even want him to make my burrito supreme from Taco Bell.  What if something fell out of that hole in his nose into my food?  I only hope he is a tattoo artist or something.  If not, I am sure his parents are still bugging him to clean his room in the basement.  Momginerd is not against tattoos, in fact she even has TWO, however, she also believes in the fact that to be successful you pretty much have to not scare the shit out of old people and young children.  Hell, this guy scared the shit out of me even with that pleasant dreamy smile on his face.

Look again, this isn't porn!

Now, I am all for keeping cool when it is hot, but I am also for not making people think they are looking at something pornographic when really it is just an assault to the eyes.  Whuck was she thinking?  Didn't the dude shopping with her have an opinion   What is with the tie holding the straps together?  Is that to offer more support for her backboobs?  I can't stop looking at this picture and wondering how the hell did she get her backboobs to do that?  Where are the nipples was my next thought.

Happy New Year!
Momginerd

The good news is your son doesn't have dyslexia...

My son Bubbie has been struggling in school.  Not your normal "Your son is slightly behind," or "Your son is fidgety and disruptive" kind of struggles either.  Bubbie can not write.  You can BARELY read his own name when he writes it down.  He also can not spell....not even simple words like "the."  He is in 4th grade, so this is totally unacceptable.  I have been to numerous meetings with the school, but was told that because his overall academic performance fell within the "normal" range he was ineligible for services.  In my heart I knew something major was going on.  Bubbie is a people pleaser by nature and was very depressed and self-critical over his academic and sports performances.  He WANTS to do well and he just couldn't.  

I took him to be independently tested by a Developmental Neurologist.  She ran her tests and came in and said:  I have good news and bad news.  The good news is Bubbie doesn't have dyslexia.  The bad news is he has Dysgraphia, fine-motor dyspraxia, severe vision disturbances, and ADHD.  

I was floored.  All these years I have been telling everyone that would listen that there is more going on with Bubbie than just ADHD. But it was falling on deaf ears, or if his teacher KNEW that Bubbie needed special help his hands were tied by the fact he did not have any formalized medical diagnosis.  

Dysgraphia:  a learning disability that affects writing, which requires a complex set of motor and information processing skills. Dysgraphia makes the act of writing difficult. It can lead to problems with spelling, poor handwriting, and putting thoughts on paper. People with dysgraphia can have trouble organizing letters, numbers, and words on a line or page. This can result partly from:

• Visual-spatial difficulties: trouble processing what the eye sees

• Language processing difficulty: trouble processing and making sense of what the ear hears

Here is what Bubbie's writing looks like:

Most times he can't even read it

• 
  

Dyspraxia: a term that refers to a specific disorder in the area of motor skill development. People with dyspraxia have difficulty planning and completing intended fine motor tasks. 

• Coordination difficulties can be particularly problematic in physical education classes and other sports activities.
• Writing difficulties such as poor letter formation, pencil grip and slow writing can make school work frustrating.

Visual Disturbances:  Bubbie has visual disturbances both in eye tracking and eye teaming.  In a nutshell, this means that his eyes do not work together.  So for him, most writing looks like the bottom line to the right.  This means that his brain then has to decode what he sees and/or decide which eye is going to dominant, neurologically shutting down all inputs from the non-dominant eye.  Because the brain does this, he is unable to track moving objects in his field of vision.  So, for example when playing sports he either sees 2 balls coming at him, or he can not "follow" the person carrying the ball.

Bubbie the next Gatorade spokesma

Add ADHD into the mix described above, and basically it is a miracle and a testament to Bubbie's intelligence level and temperament that he has achieved as much as he has both academically and physically.  He has played football (not well, but not horribly either) for 4 years.  He played baseball for 4 years and actually made some pretty good catches and plays this year.  He reads above grade level and can do long division in his head (even though he can't write down his answers).   He is well liked by his peers, and his classmates actually protect him and stand up for him.  He does have a lot of anxiety and frustration levels, but has been working really hard to be in "better control" as he calls it.  I am so VERY proud to have this wonderful child in my life who is teaching me that when life hands you lemons you make lemonade.  I strongly feel that BECAUSE Bubbie has had to overcome so many obstacles as a child, he will be a very successful adult who will not quit or give up when presented with seemingly insurmountable problems.  He will have the skills to break them down into manageable parts and realize that he can DO ANYTHING he sets his mind to achieving.  

There is a lot of hope and hard work in the next couple of years for Bubbie.  He will finally be getting and Individualized Education Plan through his school.  This means he will be getting occupational therapy, assisted technology (laptop or tablet), as well as any accommodations he needs to reach his full potential academically, interpersonally and physically.  He will also be going to occupational therapy to help him train his right and left sides of his brain to communicate with his body (he can't skip, or successfully touch his right hand to his left foot, for example).  He will also be seeing a developmental optometrist to work on the eye teaming and tracking.  Of all the developmental concerns he has this one is probably the easiest to overcome through vision therapy.  

The best news is WE FINALLY have a diagnosis and are working on a plan!  It is like a huge boulder has been lifted from my shoulders.  Bubbie is also relieved to know that all of his academic problems weren't "because he didn't try enough."  

To all you parents and families and individuals that struggle with learning disabilities, I salute you and have much respect for the paths that you have forged allowing my son to be able to get the help he not only needs but deserves!

With much gratitude to medical science,

Momginerd