Friday, January 11, 2013

Things Kids Say, pt 2

Like most families, our schedule is very chaotic and overwhelming.  One thing I insist on is everyone sitting down together for dinner.  Of course, this means sometimes we eat dinner at 4:30 PM, and other times at 8:00 PM.  I do this because I think it is a great time to commune over food and really get to have the kids attention.  There are just a couple of rules we enforce for our dinner:

1.  Use your manners.  Practicing at home means you will not forget them when you are out at a restaurant or  eating at a friend's house.By manners we mean, no elbows on the table, chew with your mouth closed, and keep bodily functional noises away (and I have a BOY, so farting and burping are things he takes great pride in doing well).

2.  Take what you get, and don't throw a fit.  I work hard all day and make concerted efforts to cook at least one thing per meal that everyone will enjoy.  It takes a lot of coordination and planning to make a healthy family dinner after a long day at work.  I will not tolerate bitching and complaining about WHAT I have prepared.  If you don't like it, don't eat it....but there will not be any dessert or snacking later.  And being Momginerd, yes, I have an APP for that.  It is called Evernote, and it ROCKS!

Last year I started a tradition where we all go around the table answering 1 question.  This has led to some pretty funny responses from the offspring.

Me:   What do you want to be when you grow up?
Princepessa (7): I want to be a millionaire pet shop owning artist.
Me: How she will you BECOME a millionare?
Princepessa: Marry someone rich, duh.
Me:  Why don't you earn your own money?
Princepessa:  Because if a boy is dumb enough to give me his money, why shouldn't I just do what I like? Me:  "crickets"

Me:  Bubbie, when do you want to get your hair cut?  (His hair is pretty long, and he has even be mistaken as a girl on occasion).
Bubbie (9):  I don't.
Me: Why not?
Bubbie:  The ladies love the locks, mom.
Me:  Okay then......

Me: Manudo, put down those electronics and come to the table.
Manudo (13):  grumble, grumble grumble.
Me: I don't understand why you kids are so ADDICTED to those electronics!  When I was a kid we used to go OUTSIDE and play with other real life people!
Manudo:  Looking over at my 2 lap tops, iPad, Kindle, iPhone "Jeeze mom, I don't know where we get it from."
Me:  "............."


Thursday, January 3, 2013

Things that make me want to stab myself in the eye

Soooooo....I was going to resolve to be less sarcastic this year, but then I didn't.  Life is just to damn stressful and quirky to not allow oneself some small self-gratifications.  Sarcasm is my coping mechanism.  I wish that my sarcasm was paired with a better self-filter sometimes, but most of the time the people who are around me know how to take me.  While perusing the web I was inundated with different images that made me want to stab out my own eye. I just couldn't help but say to myself   "Whuck the hell were you thinking?"

Seriously?  Whuck!?!  Why the hell would anyone WANT these nails?  How in the hell does she wipe her ass or wash her hair?  I am guessing she thinks she has some really cool nails, but no one can get close enough to her to check them out because of her overwhelming stench.  Is that middle finger supposed to be a bottle opener or something?  Is the thumb a corkscrew?  Because if so, THEN I can see the practicality of those nails!

And here is the next submission to WHUCK are you thinking?  Unless this man is independently wealthy, I am guessing his career choices are severely limited.  I mean, I wouldn't even want him to make my burrito supreme from Taco Bell.  What if something fell out of that hole in his nose into my food?  I only hope he is a tattoo artist or something.  If not, I am sure his parents are still bugging him to clean his room in the basement.  Momginerd is not against tattoos, in fact she even has TWO, however, she also believes in the fact that to be successful you pretty much have to not scare the shit out of old people and young children.  Hell, this guy scared the shit out of me even with that pleasant dreamy smile on his face.

Look again, this isn't porn!
Now, I am all for keeping cool when it is hot, but I am also for not making people think they are looking at something pornographic when really it is just an assault to the eyes.  Whuck was she thinking?  Didn't the dude shopping with her have an opinion   What is with the tie holding the straps together?  Is that to offer more support for her backboobs?  I can't stop looking at this picture and wondering how the hell did she get her backboobs to do that?  Where are the nipples was my next thought.

Happy New Year!